My Heart Will Go On...!

...even if that song is terrible.

Some things happened. My heart got beat up by this little bastard.

Ignore the face; this one's a killer.

Essentially, it's like this - I've been taking Adderall for about three years ever since Focalin stopped working for me. Adderall and I are great pals - I use him when I'm studying for exams and when I need to focus during a test, when I'm working on a project, or if I'm going for a walk and I want to actually remember it when I'm done.

I do legitimately have ADHD, I'm not some substance-abuser who gets high off of amphetamine. I need it to process information like a normal human being; and even then, my failure to develop social skills as a child makes that difficult.

Anyway, this is basically how ADHD medication has been in my life so far:

Adderall: What a charmer.

Basically, here's how it is:

When I was thirteen twelve, I had my first love was diagnosed with ADHD. No, not the made up "lololol i'm so hyper i like pie i just had coffee and now imma 'splode lol i have adhd be nice" kind of ADHD that 50% of the internet claims to have, or the fake ADHD that people have when they start rambling in a sentence and their idea gets away from them and they go "Man, I'm so ADD right now". Actual attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, the kind that gives me restless leg syndrome and a mind that moves too fast to keep pace with a normal conversation.

Regardless, I was first prescribed Focalin when I was about twelve. I took that for a while, and it worked at first - clearer mind, easier to focus - but then it started getting weird. It slowly started becoming less effective, to the point where I actually becoming tired from taking my medication in the morning. I was prescribed something a bit more effective.

Adderall has worked for me since the day that I got it. When I started taking it, my grades shot up - I could focus, I could hear what my teacher was saying without falling asleep, I felt more energetic than I had in years. It worked wonders, and it still does. Adderall is the only medication that hasn't failed me once. However, because I've taken to conserving it for special occasions (tests, major study sessions, exams), I haven't been using it much lately. My mom didn't know this, so she was under the impression that my medication wasn't working anymore - without telling me, she went to get a new type of medication for me.

Vyvanse. This tiny little bugger has had it in for me from day one. Not only does it make my brain less clear (taking away my ability to process words and numbers completely), it also decided to be the first combination of amphetamine and other random shit to completely throw my heart out of whack.

Instead of giving you even more in a big block of test, here's a few panels that pretty much speak for themselves:

...and then I ran to the nurse's office. It was impossible to breathe, but whatever. I just wanted to get some Advil or whatever it is that you take when your heart is getting beaten up by a tiny pill and then go back to class, but the nurse wouldn't have it. She had my dad pick me up and take me to the hospital for an EKG.

Sad face.

Okay, so I have all of these hideous, deforming scars on my legs and I'm overweight. And of course, for the EKG, I have to take my clothes off. It's the worst thing ever.

My life. Siiiigh.

Anyway, I'm alive, but my heart is being a bitch and Adderall and I are separated for a while. My mom wants to put me on Vyvanse for good, but I obviously have problems with that idea.

BLAH BLAH BLAH I should be studying for history, do I'll go do that now.